Deepak Chopra, the world renown self-help guru, has been credited with this quote:

“Attachment to results disturbs equanimity, introduces anxiety and thus increases chances of failure.”

Oddly enough, Dr. Chopra presents this idea from a rather materialist perspective—meaning more scientific and rational, giving an objective reason (anxiety) why attachment to results may not yield a desired outcome. What is odd about this is that most commentary you read about this concept is presented through a more metaphysical lens—which Deepak Chopra is certainly more comfortable looking through. He does make an important emphasis however: there are often materialist as well as idealist ways of looking at things. Because we can look at this idea through both of these lenses, it is more likely to reach a larger number of people.

So, whether you yourself are a materialist and only trust the physical world of cause and effect through the interaction of material objects and events, or more an idealist who believes in unseen forces and energies (including God), you should find wisdom, and usefulness, in this idea: attachment to results may not yield the desired effect.

Why?

Well, to paraphrase Chopra, when we become so attached to the importance, necessity, “if I don’t get this I will die” perspective of obtaining a goal, then if anything moves in a direction contrary, even a tiny bit, to what we perceive as being the absolute and only track our progress should take to achieve the goal, we freak out. After all, our sheer existence depends on it, and if we see even the slightest possibility we won’t get it we go berserk, become anxious, stressed, and ultimately sloppy and ineffective. Anyone who has even gotten close to excellence in athletics understands the rule of keeping your cool.

Through the metaphysical lens we ultimately have total free will, and once we begin to focus on an undesired outcome—meaning once we lose our cool and believe we are headed for failure—the energies of the universe actually begin to shift toward supporting that outcome. It only knows what you want by where your focus is, if you think about failing, that is what the universe thinks you want, so it gives you what you want (after all, the universe assumes you know you have free will and will thus choose to focus on what you want.)

The materialists out there will say that this is nonsense, that it is your own actions that yield the negative results, not the universe’s energies. Who cares really, either way you end up with what you don’t want if you focus on it—or what you want if you focus on that.

Another thing to consider is that the true progression of events toward achieving a goal is not linear, and, in my opinion, it is not entirely made up of objective, material, causes and effects. Most of us don’t believe this, or we say we do, but don’t really live our lives according to this truth. What exactly does this truth mean? It means we can seldom see the actual mechanics, and their specific processes in time, accurately. Very seldom, if ever, can we see this clearly, yet we almost always think we do. The problem comes in when some event occurs on our way to a goal that doesn’t fit our preconceived vision of the path and we become discouraged, frightened, angry, sad, anxious, stressed, or even defeated and thus completely give up. Often times this glitch we encounter is a complete detachment from the desired result (such as losing an athletic event we were focused on winning.) What could be more of an indicator of failure than failure itself?

That all depends on how you look at it.

It may be hard to swallow, but you are destined to win. You are destined to be happy, fulfilled, and purposeful—exactly how that shows up is typically not dictated by us personally. Also, you can choose a different destiny if you like (remember free will). The “destined to be happy” idea is the “house favor”, meaning if you just laid back and let it all happen then you would be naturally guided toward spiritual benevolence, love, and creativity. In our culture we simply don’t believe this, and have all kinds of reasons to argue this point. I understand if you resist this idea, and I realize I am stepping into some dicey areas here, but stay with me. You don’t have to be committed to this more metaphysical perspective, you just have to act “as if” you are.

If you can get into your head that all is fine, regardless of the outcome, but still hold true to the goal, you will probably attain it. This is paradoxical at best, especially in this culture where action is worshipped and certainly more highly regarded than having a lackadaisical attitude such as “what will be will be.” If you want something you are expected to go after it, full barreled. Ironically this idea does not necessarily contradict this law of non-attachment we are discussing here. It is the attitude with which you pursue your goal that matters. Sometimes there is indeed a proper time to let go and let other forces take over—to simply “be” with a situation and calmly get out of the way and let things unfold. However, that being said, there is nothing wrong with working hard, diligently, and purposefully, toward a goal. It may seem contradictory to say that setting goals, being very clear and literal about them, and creating a plan toward them is totally necessary in achieving your goals—just leave the attachment part out.

Seems confusing? Yes, in a sense it is confusing because it seems as if I am suggesting totally contrary paths. But think carefully and you will see that I really am not presenting opposing ideas. You can in fact pursue a goal with a huge amount of purpose and energy, but not have one speck of fear about failing for not making it or losing the goal. Often you know what this feels like when you first start pursuit, but once you hit something that doesn’t support a straight line to your goal you become anxious and frightened or concerned. This anxiousness and fear is what you have to get rid of, or at least diminish as much as you can.

How?

There are many suggested methods for accomplishing this. One is to think of the goal as having already been reached. What does it feel like? What does it look like? Pursue the goal as if you already have it, not in an anxious way, but in a satisfied way. Create a mental equivalent of the goal, see it in your mind. If it is a material thing you want, cut out pictures of it and post them on your wall, think about having it, actually having it, not wishing about having it or pining over it, but actually having it, not in the future, but now. Be happy with it—feel fulfilled.

Accept what you have now. If your goal is a new job, be happy with the job you have now. There is nothing that pushes something new and better away than bitterness, fear, discontent and sadness about what it is you wish to replace. This is difficult to do, but it is easier when you think of your happiness as not being dependent on things, or events, that fill your life.

This is only the beginning. It is a big subject, and you can find out more through the many books and articles written about it. Or you can find a good counselor or life coach to work with. It always helps to have guidance and support along the say.

In the mean time, keep your focus on the positive outcomes of your goals, but don’t fear the possibility of not attaining them. Be excited about what it is you are working toward, but do not freak out if indicators along the way point toward something different than what you had your sights set on. Remember, it is the feeling of success, abundance, achievement, love, connection, etc. that you are looking for, not the physical thing itself—this is true even if it is a good relationship you are seeking. Know that feeling can come from a variety of sources, and in a variety of ways. Know that it is your destiny to be happy and fulfilled.

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Todd Hayen is a psychotherapist practicing in Richmond Hill Ontario. Please leave comments by clicking the comments link below this post. I welcome any thoughts you may have.