The other day I began research on a new book I am writing tentatively titled “Divine Mediocrity: Being Happy With the Life You’ve Got.” I was intrigued by an Internet article I read about spiritual bypass, and had contrasted that reading experience with a recent re-look at the infamous little film “The Secret.”

I was a bit dismayed.

It seems that many people don’t like the idea of pursuing the goal to be happy all of the time, or at least most of the time. I know “The Secret” has received a huge amount of criticism as well as praise, and then this idea begins swirling around that claims bypassing the depths of a fully lived life due to an excessive immersion in spiritual bliss is bad for your mental health. From a slightly opposing viewpoint I recently heard a story about a medical doctor at a psychology conference commenting to a Jungian analyst that he was tired of hearing so many now in the profession romanticizing suffering.

Sounds like there are some heated emotions firing up around this subject.

I even purchased a book on spiritual bypass to become further educated on this concept that was first brought onto the scene in 1984 by a psychologist named John Welwood. Apparently it is the phenomenon of avoiding the things in life that really matter by engaging in spiritual practices and beliefs that propose that “God is in all things” or “if you keep positive thoughts, only good things will come to you.” Spiritual bypass is not limited to this more “New Age” or “New Thought” paradigm, which in some circles is not even considered spiritual, such as Positive Thinking, The Law of Attraction, Unity, or even quantum psychology, but would also include spiritual practices and beliefs from the more conventional religious traditions such as Christianity, Islam and Judaism. The edges get blurred here, obviously, as it is difficult to know where a belief system leaves reality and bleeds into fantasy.

Assuming we are all in agreement on what exactly reality and fantasy are.

In the defense of those who abhor the idea of spiritual bypassing—they do have a point. Most people who have had the opportunity to experience (and live through it emotionally and physically) a truly difficult loss in their life (and by “loss” I mean anything that causes suffering and misery) would find the worth in having experienced the event. All being “opportunities for growth” as they say—some of the time at least. Needless to say, as a depth psychologist myself, repressing trauma, suffering, abuse, loss, and any of the myriad of dark and difficult experiences in our lives, is not good for the health of the psyche and the individual that houses it.

But I am afraid the proponents of stamping out spiritual ecstasy have missed an important point. Clearly, at least from what I have initially read, they do not believe in the reality of the spiritual experience that brings this sensation of awe, and transcends pain and suffering, even to the point of denying its existence as something that does really matter. They do not support the concept that when a person becomes spiritually aware, they are actually experiencing a Truth that is beyond the materialistic and reductionist view of reality. This doesn’t mean that it is a good idea to deny our human-ness, which includes, as material beings, the fact we are destined to detach from objects that we find very important to us, suffer the pain of the material body’s disintegration, and “suffer” through much of life’s experiences. But suffering and misery are things that are defined by us through our own unique perspective. They are largely subjective.

According to the New Testament, one of Jesus’ last statements was “forgive them; for they know not what they do.” Even at the height of human pain, Jesus was able to forgive, to find peace in his suffering. This is not just a Christian concept, it is found in some form in nearly every major religious discipline. There is a metaphoric transcendence from the material in our awareness of the Reality of God—or whatever you choose to call this intelligent and intentional power in the Universe. We can be at peace when we suffer. Doing so makes a world of difference.

I once read a story about a woman who was ravaged with pain, bodily malfunction and physical destruction, who, even in the depths of her pain and suffering, said she loved God and trusted Him/Her with all of her heart. She obviously was suffering from spiritual bypass as well.

These sorts of illustrations are metaphoric. I don’t believe they are really to be taken literally. Although, as things manifest in our world, we certainly can be faced with the material reality of death, illness, poverty, loss, and then look up from our heap of despair and make the choice to either denounce life and God, or embrace them. I have experienced this myself, and although my spiritual belief did not cause me to bypass my pain, it certainly caused me to keep on living in spite of it.

So, am I then agreeing with the psychologists who feel that people with a deep spiritual belief—those that may even create a life around them of bliss and happiness devoid of suffering—are missing what really matters in life? Maybe so, to some degree. Where we differ probably is my firm belief that suffering isn’t necessary in order to live a fully understood and appreciated life.

Maybe at this present level of human consciousness it is more likely that a person will not live life fully without suffering and without integrating that suffering into the whole of their existence. Clearly most people would say that many of their greatest treasures were found in their pain. But I don’t believe it will always be necessary to suffer in order to be whole and complete.

Maybe I am wrong.

But if I ever run across someone who really has had a life full of joy, happiness, love, and creativity, and has never experienced a painful material loss or had truly suffered, I would not give them my card and say “you really need to come and see me for a therapy session.” Although I certainly have not reached anything close to the level of consciousness required in order to see all attachment as a falsity, and know in my heart and mind without a doubt that loss from death, or illness, is not permanent, or eternal, but instead only a transition to greater things, I do believe it is possible to reach this state of knowing one day, probably in some future lifetime.

The goal I would like to attain through my own journey with my own spiritual belief is to bypass fear and ignorance, not necessarily the experience of the shadowy elements of life itself. I don’t think that will make me deny the depths of my darkest experiences or the pain and misery I have seen in my life and in the world around me, but it will, in my greatest hope, cause me to be at peace with the glory of my existence, both the dark and light of it.